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Part 3: For Married Persons

Bible Sex Facts

(and those who have set a wedding date)


©1996 J. F. "Jeff" Cogan

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Table of Contents for Part 3
1. How should I treat attractive members of the opposite sex?

2. Are there acceptable alternatives to sexual intercourse?
3. What about anal sex; is it sinful?
4. Is there anything wrong with birth control?
5. What is Natural Family Planning [NFP?
6. How important is communication in the bedroom?
7. Is it all right for married couples to go to dances?
8. How important is foreplay in marriage?
9 The G-Spot and the Wife’s Organism
Exploring the wife’s body in search of the G-Spot
Expulsion of Fluid from the Urethra
10. Doesn't the Bible consider oral sex to be a perversion?
11. What does the Bible say about orgasm?
12. When a married couple is engaged in foreplay, when should the husband insert his penis?
13. Never fake an orgasm
14. Is it all right for a married couple to use pornography during foreplay?
15. What about privacy with children in the house?
16. What words can we use during sexual activity?
17. Sexual Activity During Pregnancy.
18 Is it wrong to use vibrators and other "sex toys"?
What every wife should know about her husband's impotence

1. How should I treat attractive members of the opposite sex?
Like brothers and sisters. There is no doubt that you may find some people to be more physically attractive than others. The Apostle Paul had a very practical solution to this problem. In his first letter to the young pastor, Timothy, he said in 1 Tim. 5:2 (NIV): "Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity."

Paul's use of the phrase with absolute purity is proof that he was talking about sexual attraction and not social graces. This means, men, that when you see what you judge to be an attractive woman about your age, treat her just as you would your sister. Be courteous, respectful, and even complimentary, just as you would be with your sister. But suppress all sexual feelings, just as you would around your sister. And flirt with her no more than you would with your sister.

Ladies, treat attractive men in your presence as you would your brother.

This standard of purity should apply to comments you make to your opposite-sex friends, fellow workers, and associates, as well. Don't make any remark you wouldn't make to your sister or brother. This standard will help guard against unfounded accusations of sexual harassment.

Of course, if you are not married, it will be perfectly natural to see members of the opposite sex as something other than brothers or sisters. For you, the Biblical standards of purity apply, as described elsewhere in this booklet.

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2. Are there acceptable alternatives to sexual intercourse?
Yes. There are times in a marriage when sexual intercourse is not practical or possible and an alternative is both acceptable and desirable. Before going on with this topic let's review some facts already established elsewhere in this book.

God created sex for three basic reasons: reproduction, pleasure, and intimacy come to mind immediately. Thrusting the penis in your wife's vagina to the point of orgasm is the obvious traditional favorite of most married couples because it relates to all three of the above at some level. However, there is no limit to the creativity a married couple can exercise in fulfilling the pleasure and intimacy reasons for why God created sex.

There are some rules, however:

  1. All sexual desire must be directed to the spouse and not to a third person, real or imaginary.

  2. All activity must be free of physical pain or discomfort for both parties. [Except breaking the hymen at the mouth of a virgin wife's vagina. That brief pain is necessary in order to have future pleasure.]

  3. All activity must be relatively free of psychological discomfort and embarrassment.

  4. All activity must be subject to frank and open discussion, both before and after the activity. [Was that as good for you as it was for me?] Some of the activities listed below may be counterproductive and cause emotional discomfort or even revulsion. However, none of these activities should be considered perverted or unnatural as long as rules 1-4 are followed. None are forbidden by Scripture.

    If one activity doesn't work for you, try another one. Remember, both members of a Christian marriage are responsible for assuring that the spouse is sexually satisfied. Failing to do this can result in temptation to enter into sexual sin.
    Click for more information.

I can summarize points 1-4 with this statement: The only sin in the marriage bedroom is selfishness. If there is no selfishness, there is no sin.

Here are a few of the reasons why you may wish to use activities other than traditional intercourse:

  1. Personal preference.

  2. During menstruation; intercourse may be distasteful or painful.

  3. Near the end of pregnancy. (Ask your doctor about sexual intercourse throughout the third trimester.)

  4. When the husband has some degree of erectile dysfunction [ED] and is unable to achieve or maintain an erection. This may be a temporary situation or something more prolonged relating to blood pressure medication or advancing age. Click for more information.

  5. When the wife has a vaginal infection or other temporary medical problem.

  6. When either the husband or wife is not interested in sexual intercourse at the moment but recognizes the spouse's need for sexual release through orgasm.

Here are some alternatives to vaginal sexual intercourse but don't be limited by these suggestions. Please remember Rules 1-4 above.

Many if not all of these activities may be means of foreplay, leading up to intercourse. If continued, they may lead to orgasm for one or both parties.

Anal intercourse is not recommended as an alternative for vaginal intercourse. (See the section on anal intercourse.)

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3. What about anal sex; is it sinful?
As a personal opinion, avoid it. The vagina becomes moist and open during foreplay, permitting easy insertion of the penis; the anus does not. The vagina is lined with a membrane which is designed to sustain the friction of penile thrusting; the anus is not. In fact, some experts believe the AIDS virus was released into the human race through lesions worn in the anal wall while homosexual men were having anal intercourse.

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4. Is there anything wrong with birth control?
No, not as far as the Bible is concerned. The Bible is silent on the topic of birth control. Some people who are opposed to birth control do quote Gen. 38:9 that talks about Onan "spilling his seed on the ground" when he was told to have sexual intercourse with Tamar, his dead brother's wife. His method was either withdrawal or masturbation.

For reasons which are unclear, Onan did not want to follow the custom of his day and father children in the name of his dead brother, Er. This disobedience displeased God, who killed Onan.

This type of incident is not reported elsewhere in the Bible. Therefore, a sole reference like this is not a valid reason to oppose birth control on scriptural grounds.

Another reference which is used in opposition to birth control is Gen. 1:28, where God commands Adam and Eve to be fruitful, multiply, and replenish the earth. The human race has obeyed this command to the extent that overpopulation is now a concern for many.

The Rainbow Covenant in Genesis Chapter 9 is God's promise that He will never again destroy the earth by flood. The command to be fruitful has no more to do with birth control than in Gen. 1:28.

Another point of opposition to birth control is the general notion that sexual intercourse for the sake of pleasure instead of reproduction is wrong. This concept is in direct opposition to Paul's teaching in 1 Cor. 7 where the issue is clearly sexual satisfaction and not reproduction. Paul says, "It is better to marry than to burn (with passion)", not "It is better to marry than to allow the earth to go unpopulated." Paul wrote these words when the earth was occupied by far fewer people than today.

God invented sexual pleasure so He could guarantee the continuation of the human race. Now that humans are hooked on the pleasure, there is no danger of humans ceasing to reproduce. And, there is no reason why we can't still enjoy the sexual pleasure God created for us, as long as it's within the bonds and bounds of legal marriage.

5. What is Natural Family Planning[NFP]? Although the Bible is silent on the overall topic of birth control, great caution must be exercised on the means of birth control used. For example, the common birth control pill can act as a chemical abortion pill as well as a contraceptive. In cases where the pill does not prevent conception and new life occurs, the pill can make it impossible for the new life to attach to the wall of the uterus, begin to grow into a fetus, and eventually become a breathing human being. On the other hand, Natural Family Planning is based on refraining from intercourse during the time of the wife's monthly cycle when pregnancy is possible. Modern natural family planning is far more reliable than the old rhythm or calendar method, and is based on a normal discharge of cervical mucus, and changes in a wife's waking temperature.

For more information on birth control and natural family planning, click the links below. Then, consult your OB/GYN.

Pharmacists for Life International

For the Best in Family Planning ... Natural Family Planning

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6. How important is communication in the bedroom?
Extremely! All experts on marriage stress the importance of communication between husband and wife. Home finance, raising children, and furnishing a house all call for free and open exchange of ideas within the marriage. But communication in relationship to sexual matters is so important that full compatibility may be impossible without it!

A good marital sex life is based on trial and error and a certain amount of experimentation. Although any number of authors are willing and able to tell you what works well for other people, no authority on earth can tell you what works for you and your spouse. You two are the only authority on this topic.

Effective communication on sexual matters involves two primary ingredients: honesty and frankness. Never fake an orgasm, or any other sexual response. If a stroke, caress, or thrust is irritating or even painful -- say so. If the speed of an action is too slow or too fast, make that known, also. And, most important of all, when a particular activity is especially stimulating and satisfying, communicate that fact as well.

Include all topics in your conversations on sex, such as: first thing in the morning or last thing at night; light on or light off; covered or uncovered; partly clothed or totally nude.

Except in cases of pain or severe irritation, the best time to discuss your sexual preferences may be after and not during actual sexual intercourse. You should have such a free sense of communication with your spouse on sexual matters that you can talk frankly at times other than while you are engaged in intimate activities. The question "Was it as good for you as it was for me?" has been devalued by it's casual use in TV and movie scripts, and in the popular press. However, it is still an important question and should be asked. If the answer is "no", find out why not.

Above all else, covenant to be totally unselfish. The satisfaction of giving pleasure to your spouse can be very gratifying in itself. When both husband and wife strive to remain unselfish, there will be enough give and take on matters of preference to provide balance in your sex life and full satisfaction for both of you. Some experiments regarding technique or position may end in mutual dissatisfaction. No matter. You have your lives ahead of you. Try another way next time.

Maybe you've been married several years and have never developed an open channel of communication regarding your sexual activities. Although "you" may be fully satisfied, you must still ask the "Was it as good for you as it was for me?" question of your spouse. It's never too late to learn new things, and you're never too old to change. Failure to discover sexual problems and take corrective action may doom your spouse to a sex life that is partly or totally unsatisfying. Even worse, failure to communicate in this important area may destroy your marriage, much to the delight of Satan and his demons. Remember that demons take a perverse interest in illicit sexual activities of all types. Conversely, they will go out of their way to destroy a healthy marriage, given a chance.

Dan Betzer, former speaker on the Revivaltime radio program, said he believes that specific demons have been assigned to destroy the marriages and discredit the ministry of major church leaders of all denominations that teach sexual purity. Revivaltime is the radio voice of the Assemblies of God.

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7. Is it all right for married couples to go to dances?
Not unless you plan to dance with no one but your spouse.

Slow dancing often calls for the torsos of the partners in be close contact. For many persons with normal levels of sexual response, dancing of this kind will become a type of foreplay and must be limited to persons who are married to each other. This rule applies to all single persons as well.

It is common practice at social dances for men to ask women other than their wives to dance. The music mix often involves a combination of slow (body contact) and fast dances. Therefore, it should be avoided.

Church groups should not sponsor social dances for the reasons listed above.

I was raised in a denomination which frowned on social dancing. However, little if anything was said about necking. Both can become forms of foreplay and are wrong for unmarried persons.

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8. How important is foreplay in marriage?
It plays a critical role. Foreplay, or petting, is using the hands, lips, mouth, or tongue to help cause such sexual excitement that the next logical step is sexual intercourse, which continues to the point of orgasm. Since foreplay naturally leads to sexual intercourse, it must be restricted to married persons.

A healthy husband often gets a full erection and is ready for sexual intercourse while watching his wife get undressed. As a rule, a wife needs more foreplay than this.

Husbands, here is a cardinal rule for you regarding foreplay: never insert your penis into your wife's vagina until she asks you to do so. Continue to kiss, stroke, caress, and fondle her until she not only permits penile insertion, she demands it!

Wives, here is the corollary of your husband's rule: never let your husband insert his penis until you are so sexually aroused you can't stand to wait another second for intercourse to begin. When you both follow these simple rules, your sex life will be more likely to be mutually satisfying.

Of course there is an exception to every rule and there is one for the penis insertion rule as well. There may be times when the wife is temporarily incapable of sexual arousal to the point of demanding sexual intercourse. This may be caused by fatigue, stress, or a minor illness. At such a time, the wife may elect to allow her husband to insert his penis while knowing full well that no amount of foreplay before insertion, or thrusting after insertion, will bring her to orgasm. When this situation is the exception and the wife offers this privilege in loving consideration for her husband's need of sexual release, there is no problem.

You may have heard of a husband raping his wife. The clinical definition of marital rape is the husband inserting his penis without his wife's permission. This can only happen when communication is absent in a marriage that lacks mutual love, respect, and free-flowing communication about sexual matters.

9 The G-Spot and the Wife’s Organism
Some people claim the G Spot only exists in porn movies and books. However, couples who explore their bodies in search of the G-spot with the desire of making sex as pleasurable as possiblemay rewarded by an intense orgasm for the wife with the husband having the satisfaction of knowing it is better to give than to receive. For some unknown reason, not all wives are able to experience a G-spot orgasm. No matter though, there are other ways to experience satisfying orgasm.

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Exploring the wife’s body in search of the G-Spot
The G-spot is located in the upper [interior] wall of the vagina between the pubic bone and the cervix. One way of searching for the G-spot is to have the wife kneel with her buttocks elevated. The husband enters the vagina from the rear with a well lubricated fore and middle finger. The fingers are bent in a come hither fashion and explores the interior wall of the wife’s vagina. The G-spot is about the size of a quarter and is found with extremely gentle massage. Once found, the husband massages it and waits the wife to tell him what she is feeling. Once found, the husband massages the G-spot while the wife stimulates her clitoris from the front.

Expulsion of Fluid from the Urethra
During an intense G-spot orgasm, the wife may expel a fluid from her urethra. This is not urine but a clear liquid. A husband can swallow this fluid if the G-spot orgasm happens during oral sex.

10 Doesn't the Bible consider oral sex to be a perversion?
The Bible doesn't mention oral sex at all. When the Bible speaks of sexual perversion, as in Rom. 1:26-27, it means homosexual activity. Since homosexual men and women use oral sex as a primary sexual activity, some evangelicals consider it to be perverted.

The only sin related to sex in marriage is selfishness. This is just another case where it is more blessed to give than to receive. If your spouse enjoys oral sex as a means of foreplay as much as you do, it is not sinful and can be very exciting for both of you. However, if your spouse is not excited or is even repelled by giving or receiving oral sex, you should find other foreplay activities which are mutually exciting. To do otherwise would be to commit the sin of selfishness.

Fellatio is the formal word for oral sex involving the penis. This is when the wife kisses, licks, and sucks the head and shaft of the penis. Continued activity of this type will cause the husband to ejaculate. Husbands, know in advance if your wife will be excited or repelled by ejaculation into her mouth.

Cunnilingus is the formal word for oral sex involving the vulva, the wife's external and visible sex organ. This is when the husband kisses, licks, and sucks the clitoris and labia. He may also thrust his tongue into the mouth of the vagina. Continued activity of this type is very likely to cause the wife to have an orgasm. The spasms of such an orgasm may be so intense that a little vaginal fluid or urine will be expelled.

Please note: There is no right or wrong way to have an orgasm between a husband and wife. It is my personal opinion that thrusting the penis in the vagina, using the hands, using the mouth and tongue -- are all equally right in God's eyes as long as the desire is for each other and not someone else.

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11. What does the Bible say about orgasm?


However, the Apostle Paul does say a few important things about sexual gratification generally, and orgasm surely is implied.

Here are some clear texts with brief comments:

"Then come together ... so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." 1 Cor. 7:2-5.

This is the classic definition of Christian marriage. There are several lessons to be learned here:

Verse 3. "The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband."

Both the husband and wife have an obligation to provide sexual gratification for each other. There should be no double standard. The wife has as much right to sexual gratification through orgasm as does the husband.

Verse 4. "The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife."

This is a strong message of sexual equality in marriage. It is true that Paul identifies the husband as the head of the home and asked first-century women to be quiet in church. However, in the bedroom, there are equal rights and responsibilities.

The wife is responsible for telling her husband what gives her the most pleasure. She is also responsible for telling her husband at what point in the foreplay she is ready for sexual intercourse to begin. This point may be as she senses an orgasm coming as the result of foreplay, or it may be after one or more foreplay-induced orgasms. A young husband may have difficulty delaying his orgasm during the thrusting of sexual intercourse while waiting for his wife to reach orgasm. Since thrusting may be difficult if not impossible for the husband after his orgasm, the wife may need to allow foreplay to take her closer to her first orgasm or even wait until after her first foreplay orgasm before asking her husband to insert his penis.

The husband is responsible for following his wife's lead regarding the pace of the sexual activity without giving up his right to full gratification. The husband must always remember to delay inserting his penis until his wife asks him to do so. If he is unable to delay orgasm for that long because of foreplay, he may need to skip receiving foreplay stimulation from his wife while continuing to provide stimulation for her, until she asks for insertion.

Verse 5. "Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

The clear message here is that sexual intercourse should bring release of desire through orgasm. Even a temporary denial of orgasmic rights can make us more susc0eptible to the temptations of Satan and his demons.

"It is better to marry than to burn." 1 Cor. 7:9.

The Greek word used here for burn is puroumai, meaning "to be on fire". Although Paul is talking to the church at Corinth about being married versus remaining single, there is no doubt that gratification through sexual intercourse to the point of orgasm is inferred.

Watch the double standard here, also. No one would expect a husband to be denied the sexual release which comes through intercourse to the point of orgasmic ejaculation. Anything less would not extinguish his fire of desire and might inflame it. Therefore, it must be assumed that the wife has the same right to orgasm. Although a woman's orgasm may not be necessary for the propagation of the race, it is necessary to cool her fires of desire, also. When a wife does not receive full orgasm within her marriage by her husband, she stands a greater chance of being tempted by Satan and his demons to seek sexual gratification outside her marriage with another man or even a woman.

"Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure ..." Heb. 13:4.

Although the Bible has many restrictions regarding sexual behavior outside the bonds and bounds of legal marriage, sexual intercourse within marriage itself is completely wholesome and blessed of God. The word "bed" is used here as a symbol of sexual intercourse. An amplified version of this passage could be, "although fornication and adultery are both wrong, there is nothing wrong with foreplay and sexual intercourse to the point of orgasm within marriage."

Experts on sexual response recognize that the wife can have an orgasm from stimulation of the clitoris during foreplay, thrusting of the penis within the vagina during sexual intercourse, or both. Some wives may need clitoral stimulation to orgasm before thrusting begins, and others may need clitoral stimulation during thrusting, either by assuring the penis is rubbing the clitoris or by asking the husband to stimulate the clitoris with his hand during thrusting.

A position to consider in the interest of the wife's maximum gratification: The husband sits in an upholstered chair, partially reclined. The wife comes astride and lowers her vagina onto her husband's erect penis. This position permits the following activities: Either the wife or the husband fondles the wife's clitoris; the husband fondles his wife's breasts and sucks her nipples; they kiss.

Always remember that the husband and the wife have equal scriptural rights to orgasmic satisfaction during sexual intercourse.

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14. When a married couple is engaged in foreplay, when should the husband insert his penis?
When the wife asks her husband for insertion. There is a dual responsibility here if sexual intercourse is to result in full orgasmic satisfaction for both husband and wife.

  1. Before sexual activity begins, both husband and wife should exchange information about the type of foreplay that is most satisfying and leads to the highest levels of sexual stimulation. The wife should remember it is as wrong to lie with the whole body as it is with the mouth.

  2. Wives, don't act like you are stimulated if you are not. Make quiet verbal or physical suggestions on how you would like your husband to conduct foreplay.

  3. The husband must remain alert to his wife's verbal and physical responses regarding the appropriate moment for inserting the penis. The wife must not ask for insertion until she doesn't want to wait another moment.

  4. Many husbands need less foreplay than their wives to be ready for sexual intercourse. Therefore, it may be wise for the wife to hold off stimulating the husband during foreplay until she is closer to being ready for insertion.

After sexual intercourse, the husband and wife should have a free and frank discussion about what was especially satisfying about the experience. As the years pass, a husband and wife who engage in such post-intercourse debriefings will be able to enjoy a high percentage of fully-satisfying sexual experiences.

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15. Never fake an orgasm.
We're already talked about the importance of full and complete communication in marriage. If the wife is unable to come to orgasm during foreplay or intercourse, this fact should become the topic of an honest discussion

The first issue of discussion should be to determine if this is an incident or part of a pattern. An occasional failure to reach orgasm may be normal for you as a married couple. Medication, fatigue, distractions such as children in the house, or minor illness may play a part in such a failure at one time or another. Forget it and move on to tomorrow. However, if failure to reach orgasm is part of a regular pattern, you may want to determine the cause. Of course, determining the cause will only be possible if you have already established a pattern of communicating freely about sexual matters.

Some marriage experts claim that orgasm is optional for the wife. If she never achieves orgasm with the husband, no big deal, they say. However, when we read what Paul has to say about gratification as outlined above, we see orgasm in a new light. Not only is it the right of the wife in a Christian marriage, orgasm has a role in defensive spiritual warfare, also.

There is a twofold danger in faking an orgasm, aside from the fact that the wife should no more lie with her pelvis than with her tongue:

Although faking an orgasm is usually considered a wife's activity, it is possible for a husband to fake an ejaculation during intercourse. Neither husbands nor wives should fake orgasms.

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16. Is it all right for a married couple to use pornography during foreplay?
No. There is no moral difference between a single person using pornography while masturbating and a married couple using it during foreplay. In both situations, the sexually-explicit pictures are causing lustful feelings directed to the models in the pictures. Sexual desire for a person who is not your spouse is lust. Jesus said in Matt. 5:28 that such lust is the equivalent of adultery.

There are two other major reasons pornography should not be used, even in marital foreplay.

  1. Pornography is habit forming. There may be a temptation for one spouse to use the materials for private masturbation during sexual fantasies. Aside from evil lust which this situation creates, the normal desire for sexual intercourse may be decreased, robbing the other spouse of rightful sexual satisfaction.

  2. Pornography models are usually young and very attractive. The spouse may not compare favorably with such competition and should not be submitted to such an unrealistic comparison.

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17. What about privacy with children in the house?
Parents should take normal precautions to prevent being disturbed by their children during foreplay and sexual intercourse. If a child should surprise parents during sex, avoid overreacting and never discipline the child unless the intrusion was deliberate and malicious. Make sure the door is locked next time.

Sexual activities should be kept private. This includes not only the actions themselves but unnecessary discussions of these actions with other persons. Spouses should never discuss their sex lives with anyone unless help is being sought for a problem. In such a case, the source of help should be a minister or a qualified counselor with traditional conservative evangelical values. Never consult a counselor who has a liberal or unknown value system regarding sex. The proposed solution may be worse than the presenting problem.

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18. What words can we use during sexual activity?
Any words you choose. The concept of dirty words does not exist between a legally-married husband and wife.

WARNING: Some words, such as the F-word, should be reserved totally for private use between husband and wife within the context of sexual activity. Never use the F-word in the hearing of anyone else, including family [especially children] and closest friends. And never use it as an expletive. Convert it from a dirty word to a very precious, private and special word that is used to refer to the sacred act that can cause life to come into existence at the point of ultimate physical marital intimacy.

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1. Sexual Activity During Pregnancy.
Everything I've said in this chapter about sexual gratification and the Biblical equal rights of husbands and wives applies during the period of a pregnancy, with this common-sense warning: Nothing must be done to harm the fetus. Talk to your doctor about sexual activity during the third trimester (last three months) of the pregnancy. Chances are, he/she will say it's OK to have sex, but check to be sure.

Let's talk first about the psychological aspects of sex during pregnancy.

Husbands: your wife may have feelings of being somewhat unattractive, and may claim she has the dimensions of a blimp or a whale. While you may experience your usual need for sexual release, your wife may have a greater than usual need to be told she is loved, wanted, important, and cherished with lots of hugging and cuddling.

Wives: your husband still loves you in spite of your size and shape. In fact, when he remembers that your temporary size and shape are because of that precious life both of you caused to come into existence at the point of conception, he may proclaim he adores you even more. Smile, and say, "Thank you very much."

Positions for intercourse during pregnancy
If the husband is fairly large and the pregnancy is well advanced, try a position which avoids placing a great amount of pressure on the fetus. The following position will allow for maximum thrusting and stimulation of the clitoris by the penis or the husband's fingers while placing minimum pressure on the fetus:

Manual stimulation of the clitoris and penis
Of course, stimulation of the clitoris and penis to the point of orgasm is fine any time in a marriage when it is desired by the husband and wife. However, manual stimulation to the point of orgasm is especially useful immediately before and after delivery, when the thrusting of intercourse may be inappropriate.

A special note to wives: Your husband's sexual desire will not decline as your size increases. If you do not feel like any kind of sexual activity, offer to give him an orgasm though any of the ways you have given him an orgasm in the past. This may include manual stimulation of his penis or oral sex. He will cherish you all the more for your unselfish attention to his sexual needs.

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18. Is it wrong to use vibrators and other "sex toys"?
There is no moral reason why the husband may not use a battery-powered vibrator during foreplay. In fact, if the wife is having trouble having an orgasm during intercourse, it may be a good idea for the husband to give her a vibrator-induced orgasm before intercourse begins. The wife may find such an orgasm very intense and enjoyable. As always, there must be mutual enjoyment and the desire that is generated must to directed to each other and not a fantasy.

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What every wife should know about her husband's impotence
[Sometimes called erectile dysfunction [ED]

Dear Wife with an impotent husband:

Impotence is being talked about a lot, but often within the context of Viagra and other medications sold to treat it. This section of Bible Sex Facts will discuss the problem from an educational and moral point of view.

Impotence may be situational, caused by stress, short-term prescriptions, or a short illness. Or, impotence may be connected with such things as age and long-term blood pressure medication. Either way, we need to talk.

Throughout this book, we have had frank and open discussions about all aspects of married life. I won't desert you now.

You'll remember we discussed the importance of equal rights and equal pleasures between a wife and husband. You know full well that during your married life, your husband has gotten pleasure from feeling his penis thrusting into your vagina during intercourse. That pleasure for him increases until the point of orgasm and ejaculation. [After all, that's where babies come from.]

That is only half of the pleasure your husband has been getting during intercourse. You may not realize it but the other half of his pleasure is the knowledge that at the same time he is getting pleasure, he is giving you pleasure, also.

Now, along comes impotence, temporary or long-term, and he is no longer able to thrust his penis in your vagina to the point of mutual orgasm. He is unable to achieve or maintain an erection and most attempts at intercourse end in frustration and even tears [for one or both of you], instead of orgasmic joy.

Is your sex life over? Don't you believe it! You've just entered another phase of your sex life where the rules of engagement are the same as they have been during all those joyous years of thrusting and mutual orgasms.

  1. Rule one: It is just as blessed to give pleasure as to receive pleasure.

  2. Rule two: The only sin is selfishness.

  3. Rule three: Always be frank and honest with each other.

Now let me tell you a few things about your husband's impotence:

  1. He still loves you as much as ever, despite the fact his penis refuses to stand up and salute the way it used to.

  2. He still feels sexual desire toward you, although you couldn't tell it to look as his droopy penis.

  3. He may be still capable of orgasm and ejaculation if you stimulate his penis with your hand and a little KY jelly, or even your mouth.

  4. He still longs to stimulate you to orgasm by thrusting in your vagina, or caressing or sucking your clitoris.

    Okay. I can hear it now. How can he thrust in my vagina when he can't even get and hold an erection?

    Did you ever hear of a dildo? A dildo is a penis-shaped rod, often covered with rubber and even containing a variable-speed vibrator. [You may even have one already. If you don't have one, you can buy one on the Internet; just enter dildo or vibrator into any search engine. One with a vibrator should cost about $30 US.]

With a dildo and a little creative imagination, I bet the two of you can invent some activities that will make both of you forget his soft penis. Here's one for starters:

Ask him to suck one nipple while he fondles your well-lubricated vulva and clitoris. At the point you used to ask him to insert his penis, ask him to insert the dildo instead. [Husbands: be slow and gentle and use lots of KY jelly. At first, you may have to ask her to help you find the right angle and speed for your thrusting. After all, you want her to feel increasing pleasure, not pain.]

After you have had one [or more] orgasms and he has had an orgasm [I'm sure you'll figure out how], fall asleep in each others arms and dream of having a long life of sexual fun and joy together.

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Return to Main Table of Contents
Return to Bible Sex Facts Home Page

Preface and Introduction

Part 1: For Children

Part 2: For Single Persons

Appendix A: Glossary

Appendix B: What the Bible Says About Sex

Appendix C: Questions with Answers

Appendix D: Normal Is Better than Average

Appendix E: A Special Message for Gays and Lesbians

Appendix F: Feedback From Readers

Ted Bundy's Execution-Eve Interview
"Demon Possession Handbook" Home Page
How to get more information

Why we're here; where we're going.

Normal is better than average!

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